Just Wanna Say

I just wanna say I love you
In so many words but I'm too
At a loss for words, I know
The writing writer is speechless 
I pause because you leave me mute
I can't even rhyme anymore 
Your mind is too fine 
you're too fine with your mind
Damn, Erika I wish you were my girlfriend
We can become famous
Fan the flames of this
Dream to spread the wildfires 
Of the heart


Real Science 🚀

I was stargazing in my mental prison / trying to find room in that cell for me / trying to find the human I knew me to be / trying to find a solid state in my memories / trapped in these hostile nebulae / light years in space / trying to find a place to exist / reaching out to my sis / a part of first contact / trying to survive the jump from Mach 25 / to warp drive / keeping my shields up / cause the world is just / brutal in this Star Trek like a Klingon / trying to find a heart I can cling on / cut on my boosters and thrust on / trying to fly / around this negative nucleus / like a positron, new to this / metamorphosis / I'm going through / looking at myself in the mirror / finally in my transition / nowhere left to run / but inside of myself / looking to my past self / chunking the deuce up / looking at my future self / hit thrust on the boosters / I'm never looking back / and I'm staying positive like a proton / covalent bonds like hydrogen / and oxygen, regen / my life with oestrogen / regen my life with oestrogen

Yeah, there's got to be room in that cell for me / to exist in this metamorphosis / from Jupiter to the Kuiper comets 💫

Marry Me, Death

Stop pressuring me
You make me wanna scream
With how you keep fucking with me
Pushing me to the extreme

I keep taking shots of Bacardi
151, proof of all my pain
Just to feel like the life of the party
One mojito is like dope in vein

Keep my mind away from my sorrow
One step closer, one breath harder
To breathe I feel I have to borrow
Time before I'm a discarder

Throw my cards in the ocean
I don't need the zodiac
To tell me my fucked emotion
Or how I'm an insomniac

Stay awake to hide my nightmare
I watch everything underneath my skin
When it writhes with despair
Paranoia is pareidolia roaming like a bedouin

Faces in the sand that brand me insane
Dame that can't stop hearing failure within
My self righteous suicide is bottles of champagne
Drank to a stupor so I hear death's violin

Screeching sweetly in my ears
Singing sirens, stringing my senses
Saliently entrancing my tears
Sweetly voiding all my pretenses

Only a fool loves this life
Give up the ghost
Only a fool loves life
Give up your ghost
And marry death
Marry me, death

Phoenix Reborn

Guess who's back
Cracking through the concrete
A rose with scars I speak
Arose from the ashes I spark
Flames in my eternal wings
Stream of consciousness
I'm a transgender woman
Losing the chains of my cisness
Sister of the heart goddess (Valentina)
Though I'm the heart of Tyche
I pray my fortune is righteous
I grew from the concrete just
Be amazed at the growth
I've achieved in my approach
To the sun, I arose a rose
Can I live? Can I live?
My pain, I wish it was quick to see
In my past life I tried caine to keep
My brain on perma freeze
Because these sick thoughts
Spun me outta control in the rain
Like a Lexus hydroplaning
Driven wrong and sure to hurt us
Explaining these things
Seems inane but I digress cuz
I'm still wrestling with my depression
Trying to laugh hard with my squad
Temporarily escaping the poverty
Of society's depiction of trans identity

So check the rebirth of the shut-(in)
Put in the proof all 151
let the rum
shut me down
Then restart the system

Passive aggressive phoenix
Rebirthing from the ashes
A rehash of the classic
In a tacit riot I crushed the mirrors
Of my past self for the clearer
image of myself as I reforge
My message before
I'm shored up on the beach
So sure enough let me release
The face to replace the mask
Broken in the grace of the sun
Showing Lady Lovelace the moon
Symbol of femininity, I swoon
'Cuz Alice is soon to know the one
She saw on the inside that little girl
With a fresh look like contacts
Colour changing my outlook
Contracting me, new to the world
I rise in the pearl
to rekindle my life
Shelf the erratic memories
imprinted to remind me
of the things I've done
words that hung
friends and relationships
strung out in nasty shit
Now I've cleaned up my streak
But the face isn't brand new
Wish some of you I could meet anew
But this is the dues I pay for being late
on the return; my karma, my fate
Estrogen healing the scars made
Estrogen healing the scars made
I'm just a little girl from the ghetto
Healing the poison of despair, I grow
Healing the poison a rose, I grow
I'm just a little girl from the ghetto to grow
Extend your arms for a half hour
Hold me til I'm no longer cold
Extend your arms and hold me
Til I'm no longer cold
Til these scars heal and a rose grows
Til I awake the girl I know
Til I awake the girl inside I k

Pareidolia & Failure

Every setback I take in stride
Shovel back down my neck my pride
Friends say snap back you tried
Keep pressing, tack-le and ride
But failures tack on paranoia
Now I'm hearing demon pairs of horror
Voices blaring as pareidolia takes hold of
My mental seeing faces of failure all over
As my pencil slants scribing ill I see
Peeling the mad lib I live
Adjective of dejection reflecting rejection
Injection lethally depression my central nervousness
Projection leaving my system in disorderedness
Conversion eating seeds as my pastime in silentness
Toxicity developing leaks in my passing smiling vest
Viscosity of leaking red rum staining my smoking chest
Prodigy seeking sun's light into his man heart
Setbacks attack me til I ask, "This Can't Be Life?"
"This Can't Be Life?"


Grab my blade to save the Day. 
In green glade will lay Dismay.
For sanguine my sword cries out,
Justice swore light will shine out!

Dark nights shall rain scorching flame
Until hell's reign has been chained,
Bounding Day's feet with scourge
Of shameful defeat; my sword
Shall never again be lain. 
Until soul is slain, split in twain

Bittersweet Love

I'm so dismissive of her personality
Personally I see myself independent
From the future she experiments in vitro
But in vivo those Petri dishes are misfit
Which incubate orchestrated destructive hate
On substrates of lust, photosynthesising love  
'Cause even as our hips thrust, we fuss, argue, yell,


Ha! Our bittersweet romance danced on two left feet
Waltz to tune boomed from Lucifer's golden fiddle
Our love riddled with booby traps that I clasp on
grasp on, fondle on; as you molest my feelings
With lust disguised as love you're beguiling Ms Trust
Defiling our monogamous relationship
Insidious bitterness surface to teardrops
So I'll just leave us torn apart, broken hearted
Recalled your heart like cheap, imported Lead-on Toy
Return to Sender: You can scrape off the poison


Promises told of wealth and sex
Mesmerised my eyes 
Away from facts that held sway
Over my morals
Falling for the mortal
Grasping to get these morsels 
Engaging my emotion
To force hands in motion
My self-centred evil
Of selfish gain
As my morals
In pursuit of game
For a morsel
Of loot, I change;
Demented and cemented
In loss for floss
Trying to elevate
As I depreciate
I invigorate 
My inner demons
Seething as I breathe in
This air of toxicity
Leaving my base
In tune with the bass
Sawing my life like a
Horror picture perfect
Into a fork of sin
My oxygen
Is sarin gas
In concentration
Like Alcatraz 
As I am passively
Falling rapidly
Into a mushed rice patty
Malnourished, passively  
Starving in a field of grain
Choking on dying vine in vain
Suffocating as I fill life with pain

War Against War

Trying to keep the peace / of my mind, yet it's sinking 
like its knee deep / in lines of cocaine 
end times of my dope brain / are getting closer 
as I stroke / ink blots 
to unclot / hope from hearts 
and wipe the crying / tears
from the eyes of the little / guys 
Who fear the guns / of the humvees
D-D-Dumping brass / into their families
Lions of the desert / brought by the lying 
of governments / wrought iron
depriving them / of childhoods 
In designed wars / of ill blood

In search of / free speech
I ran (Iran) to Allah / me seeking
A rack (Iraq) full of / empty guns
As I sit and turn / over my thoughts
Close my eyes / to eye God
Hoping / I'm not blind
Blimey, / I wish the / Arab spring
Could bring / free thinking
But maybe / I'm too naive
'cause I only see / the good in things
the dream / from the night(mare)
Brushing / the night terror(ists)
Hoping / it gets better in this / World 
'Cause we all inhabit this / pearl


I apologise
I often cast my eyes 
down at you
all the times that you 
wanted the best for me 
but I needed to be set free 
I needed you to see me 
for me, my inner me 
seemed like your enemy 
I felt trapped and
I couldn't breathe 
I couldn't tap in 
to connect with you 
you feel like you're losing a son 
I feel like I'm losing sun 
hiding in the shadows 
in plain sight 
hiding pain in light 
but you saw the windows 
to my soul were clouded 
I swear that day I cried
I had to spend life shrouded
In this mystery, I tried
To make you proud
But it felt contrived
Because my smiles were faked
Take this as my apologies 
For all the mistakes
The apathy, apparently 
I damaged a parent fully
Sorry for the shame
I know I am shamefully 
Telling my truth shamelessly 
I love the authentic me
I hope you can finally see
Me for me
The girl I am
Yeah transition is hard
But all in all I am
Happy at last, my cards
Looking right in my life
At long last I feel right
At long last I feel bright
My incandescence 
Radiates transcendence 
I am transgender 
So I apologise 
For the downcast eyes
I apologise